i am sick... then was warned by CMB about paying off the overdraft of my credit card which even flied all the way into my mum's ear... crap!!! paying the rent... thousands of cash notes were gone... feels like i lost it all right after i got things together... it was just extremely frustrating... 2005, please get the hell outta here, pleeeeeeeeeeeease!!!

I think i am a cool kid (well, not exactly a kid anymore)... i have to make my space cool enough to rock! yep, just wait and see! i'm having so much fun!

"力" is the character on the back of his outfit... yes, he's still stuck in my head... but, i am not going to expect any miracle to happen anymore... let this be a beautiful memory... bygones... everytime i think of "力", i feel warm and that's it...

Ooooooooooooops!!!!!! I can't believe i had another crazy night last night! so dramatic...

 

i went to the club with my good friend J and someone i just met... damn it sucked when i first came in... i saw the freak who wanted to get me into bed a couple of weeks ago... and apparently, he was horny so he walked straight up to me and flirted with me...damn, fuck off, you loser! i just think he's so freaking disgusting... i didn't talk to him and walked away... but then, so "unfortunately", i saw the guy i met last weekend and i think i had a crush on him after sex... i couldn't control myself and i went to talk to him... but he has obviously made it very clear that it was just a one night stand between us... i was very upset and suddenly i felt like a loser... how ironic!

 

yeah that really hurt... i was not able to have fun but thinking about him all the time... so i had to turn to alcohol... i saw him talking to some other guy... yeah i admit it: i am jealous!!! i really am!!! but what can i do?

 

when i thought that the whole night was gonna be ruined by him, i got lucky!!! a cute american guy talked to me and we exchanged number, and then i met an australian guy who i danced with for the rest of the night... and yeah... we made out... well, i guess the reason why i made out with him was partially that i want the guy who made jealous to get jealous! and i think i did make him jealous... at last, he was left alone there, but me, lucky enough, have so many guys around me.................... hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

well, anyway, it was just a really crazy night... emotionally, it was just like a rollercoaster! yeah... i still think i like that guy... but let it be... i am fabulous, i am not gonna be bothered by you anymore!

lately i've been really interested in browsing the gay personal website "Fridae" for cuties... and today, so unexpectely, i found him! damn, physically, he's exactly my type! soooooooo cute!!! love his face, love his jeans, love his shoes! ai~~~ chun xin dang yang le... but i noticed that he hasn't logged on this website since october 2004!!! my dear lord, what happened? it seems i will never have the chance to get to know him lah :(